no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
