i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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