I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
