i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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