who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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