i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
