Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
