I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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