i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
