Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
