Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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