Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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