ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
