Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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