The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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