who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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