it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize