Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
