Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
