This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
no, he came in my armpit
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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