I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
