I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Randomize
