Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
