Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize