We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
