She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm at about main and main street
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
