we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
