Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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