She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
