He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize