I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
