Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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