I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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