dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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