When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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