meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize