We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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