im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
