belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
