Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
