It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
