After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
