we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
