if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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