i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
