I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
