He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
