What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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