I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
