Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
