Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize