I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
