I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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