i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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