totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
