So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
