Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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