Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
