my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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