so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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