he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
