he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
