there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
