Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
